Fic: Two Devices Ago Were Smaller

[isthisthelasttime]

Title: Two Devices Ago Were Smaller
Author: learnthemusic
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Lincoln, LJ
Warnings: Language, Pre-Series
Disclaimer: I don't own.
Prompt: "It's too big." foxriver_fic
Summary: Arguing in front of a showcase window has always been a tradition for the Burrows. It happens at least once a year; the only that changes is the apparatus of cause. Humor/Crack for the weary.
Author's Note: One-hour challenge at foxriver_fic. I even set the timer.

“It’s too big.”

 

“No, it’s not.”

 

“It’s way too big.”

 

“No, it’s not.”

 

“Yes, it is! Look at its size! I’m a dwarf next to that!”

 

“You’re overreacting.”

 

“I’m under-reacting in my book.”

 

“LJ, don’t start this with me.”

 

“You’re the one starting it with me, Dad.”

 

Arguing in front of a showcase window has always been a tradition for the Burrows. It happens at least once a year; the only thing that changes is the apparatus of cause.

 

Last year, the debate centered around portable music players at the local Brandsmart U.S.A.

 

“You don’t need an iPod.”

 

“The hell I do.”

 

“Don’t talk like that to me, buddy. I’m the one buying it for you.”

 

“Well, I do.”

 

“If you think you can sweet-talk the iPod’s way into my heart, you better think twice.”

 

“Dad, imagine this: A bus, full of school kids, on its way to and from school.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Pretty boring, right?”

 

“Fuck yes.”

 

“Right then. Let’s continue. Clue in on your son, who shares your blood. He sits smushed between two hefty sophomores that refuse to find their own seats. His face is somber and it’s obvious he’s bored.”

 

“I got that much. What is my son tolerating the fat asses for?”

 

“He’s not. They threatened to beat him up if he didn’t cooperate.”

 

“Where the hell are these guys? 'Cause I’ll give them a piece of my mind.”

 

“Dad, focus.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Why do you think he’s bored and sad?”

 

“One, he’s smothered by two fat asses that refuse to move and two, he has nothing better to do than wait to get home.”

 

“Exactly. Now how would your son look if he had the wonderful Video iPod that sits in that glass all lonely?”

 

“You know, I don’t like where you’re taking this.”

 

Two to nothing, LJ flew past that one colorfully.

 

The year before last took place in Sears. The sale revolved around kitchen appliances, with a twenty-five percent discount. If you held a Sears credit card, you received an extra ten percent.

 

Lincoln Burrows Senior just so happened to hold a Sears credit card.

 

“It’s beige.”

 

“It’s perfect.”

 

“It’s beige.”

 

“It’s perfect.”

 

“It’s beige!”

 

“It’s fucking perfect!”

 

“I don’t see why you always have to buy the ugliest refrigerator out there.”

 

“What do you mean, ‘always’?”

 

“Two years ago you bought a green one. It was old and crappy.”

 

“It was a classic.”

 

“Why do you always disagree with me?”

 

“Because you have no reason!”

 

“Being twelve is no excuse, Dad!”

 

“This refrigerator is beautiful. It has side-by-side doors, an ice maker, a filtering system. It’s even Frigidaire!”

 

“Well, I could care less if Porsche made it. It’s a hideous fridge, that’s that.”

 

“You don’t live in my house.”

 

“Hey now, that’s your decision.”

 

“You chose to live with your mom.”

 

“I was forced to because you were in rehab, remember?”

 

“LJ—”

 

“—I’m just tired of arguing about this crap. I’ve always wanted to live with you. It’s always been up to you and you know that.”

 

“Even if you did live with me, you wouldn’t get to pick my fridge.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“That’s it?”

 

“That’s it.”

 

“Fine. Hey! I want to get this fridge!”

 

The pattern has always existed. It was a vicious circle, as that timely cliché says. A cycle that never ends.

 

Determination, however, is LJ’s forte. He will not back down.

 

“I’m not starting anything with you. I’m just saying that I want this. I have a large enough bonus to go overboard.”

 

“A bonus?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“From what?”

 

“Work.”

 

“You mean dealing?”

 

“Don’t do that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Belittle me. I know I’ve never meant more to you than a fly, but don’t blame me for something I left long ago.”

 

“I never said you didn’t mean anything to me.”

 

“What? I can’t hear you.”

 

“I never said you didn’t mean anything to me!”

 

“Oh, really? From the shit you just dumped on me, it sure seems like it.”

 

“Dad—”

 

“—No. I’m tired of this. I’m gonna buy this whether you want me to or not. You don’t live with me.”

 

“Because you were in rehab, Dad!”

 

“Well I’m done now.”

 

“I can’t just leave Mom.”

 

“I don’t see why you would, considering you don’t want this anyway.”

 

“I’m just saying it’s too big. Nothing to freak about.”

 

“You were ‘freaking’ ten seconds ago.”

 

“Well, I’ve never been near a seventy-inch television.”

 

---

 

End Note: Ha! Twenty-two minutes left and counting! I finished in thirty-eight! Woo! Now please review. Yes, I know this was plotless, but I can’t say PWP without people automatically thinking incest. Besides, that’s what PWP stands for. I’ll go with WP. Review!